Men to avoid May 9, 2011

I am still learning… Learning to avoid men, who, due to some circumstances, do not see in themselves the value of who they are as men and behave in a way, which makes me be sorry for them to bearing this name. Men are not men, because they were born so, but because they chose to be so….

Often we, women, want to feel valuable through the relationships we have, and we, naive, believe, that if we can help a man to feel better, then definitely we will feel more valuable and strong and will have a great relationship with such a man, who will be thankful to us forever. FALSE! If a man is not taking responsibility for who he is, you will never be able to respect him and experience that closeness, God intended to take place between a man and a woman. The man’s unresolved wounds will always stand between you and him. Unless you want to create a relationship climate, like a counseling sessions, run out of such men!

A man, experiencing deficiency in who he is as man, in reality is a weak man. His feeling of self-worth is wounded and the last thing, he will be able to do, is to take the responsibility for his love relationship. He can’t be responsible for himself, how can he be responsible for someone else? He most probably will know how to attract women, willing to help his emotional deficiencies, but the last thing, he would do, is the responsibility.

We wish we could know though, how to discern, what are the clues about such men and not to get into messy situations.

Some tips are:

1. He is talking too much about himself

2. His eyes, his words and gestures are begging and engaging your heart to play a Mother Theresa or Counselor role.

3. You can read insecurities in his behavior: shaking, joking instead of talking seriously.

4. Another thing is no positive appreciation of who you are during conversation, as well as no minimal courtesied respect for you as a woman (open the door, let you go in front of him, etc)

5. Critical comments about your personality type, which are ment to diminish your confidence and to keep the situation under control.

6. Pay huge attention to his professional mess. If he screw things up in career, then it is most likely he is looking for a comforter, not someone to love.

7.  If he just broke up from his previous relationship, he most likely wants someone to cry on the shoulder. And according to the dynamics of break ups, there will be definitely a temptation to get back to make peace, so be careful.

8. If he says that his mom was kind of too cold and violent on him, most probably he is looking for a  mother substitute.

9. And if he is confessing you all his sins and how much he wants a change in his life, it doesn’t mean yet that he is there, and there is a huge difference between wanting a change and making a change.

10. He is trying to impress you with what he has, or how many other girls are paying attention to him

11. to be continued…

The main idea to remember is that relationships are tough and require maturity and commitment to other person’s wellbeing, what is quiet a difficult, if not impossible task for someone, who is in a position of insecurity, break up or trauma.

The main thing is to figure out for yourself, how would you like your man to treat you.

Until then, GUARD your HEART, lady and believe that you deserve the man’s best for you!